Purpose

The goal of this ten week experiment is to help you get to know the person you love in ways you may not have known. It’s also to teach you to be sexually disciplined and mentally in control. But this is also a time to have fun. It is not supposed to be some “terrible thing I have to put up with” but rather something to help you learn all about the person you love. 

There are at least five parts to every human being; The physical, mental, social, emotional and spiritual sides. Most kids (and adults for that matter) focus on the physical (looks and sex) and never think much about the other sides. The 10 weeks experiment is to help you think and get to know “the other areas,” and hopefully have a lot of fun doing it. I will be giving you assignments to help facilitate the 10 weeks, but it might help you to start by making a list of things you’d like to do together over the next ten weeks. It could be things like going on a bike ride, seeing a particular movie, going on a picnic or to a sporting event or taking a hike. Or, it might even be something like having a bonfire and cooking marshmallows, or reading a book together. 

When the 10 weeks are over you will need to evaluate your time together and also your relationship. You will have to ask yourself some hard questions at that point. “Are we a good match? Are we compatible? Do we still enjoy being with each other?” And, in all honesty, you may find out through this process that you aren’t a good fit like you once thought you were. It’s happened. And you know what? That’s a GOOD thing to find out. It wouldn’t mean you don’t love the person any more but rather that you now know they aren’t the person that would be best suited for you to marry. 

You are also going to have to ask an even harder question; if you DO stay together, should you be having sex from now on? That will take some thinking. But let’s not think about that right now.

Just a Warning

One other thing before we start this. If you have previously been sexually active with your partner you will probably feel like you will go crazy if you can’t do it, especially during the first two to three weeks. Try to get a sense of humor about it. What you are feeling is very natural, but this is about helping you understand how much sex can, and is, blocking you from really knowing the other person. If you are feeling “horny” then get up and go outside and do something else. Don’t just sit there. Be active.

The other thing is, when, and if, people hear about you going on this experiment, they may try to talk you out of it, but don’t give in. They will eventually respect you when you finally make it. But try to keep it between the two of you.

Rules for the Ten Weeks

So here we go. These are the rules of the ten weeks:

1. No holding hands and no hugging, no flashing or touching of body parts during the entire ten weeks time, and that includes no sex discussions, no looking at pornography or having sex or oral sex with any one else.
2. You can kiss each other on the lips for three minutes each day but nothing more. Try to have a sense of humor about it. When you kiss for the three minutes, enjoy it. Laugh. Don't make this a "Terrible thing to endure."
3. At the beginning of the third, sixth and ninth week, you can hug your boyfriend/girlfriend for 10 minutes and kiss, but no sexual touching or taking clothes off for the entire 10 weeks.
4. If you are feeling exceptionally “horny” then let the other person know that and get them to help you through it by taking your attention off of each other and on to something else.
5. Stay out of bedrooms, back seats of cars or any other place that will be too tempting for you.
6. For the first two weeks of the experiment there is to be no texting or emailing each other. You must talk either in person (most preferable) or on the phone. When on the phone do not talk for more than 20 minutes but you can talk all you want when together.

General Instructions

• Go for a 20 minute walk at least once each week during the experiment (even if it’s raining) and look at the beauty all around you. (Watch for animals, flowers, little kids, smells….etc.)
• Privately do a daily reading from a chapter of my book, “Don’t Take Love Lying Down.” Then when talking on the phone you will have things to think about and discuss. The chapters to read are:

1 - The Love chapter (p. 101)

How has your partner shown love to you in the last week?

How do you wish they would love you?

How can you explain what you felt when they failed to love you?

2 - Evaluating your relationship (p. 133) (especially the 17 character traits)

Where do you see your partner’s strengths? (Have you told them?)

Where is your partner weak? (Have you talked to them about it?)

How could you work on those weaknesses together?

3 - For Girls only (p. 339)

Was it a good description of you? Why or why not?

What questions does your boyfriend have after reading this chapter?

4 - For Guys only (p. 383)

Was it a good description of you? Why or why not?

What questions does your girlfriend have after reading this chapter?

• If you want, keep a journal of what you learn about each other and how you feel about them.

 Assignments for Each Week

1. On week one the guy is to take the girl on a date and he must plan it completely on his own, doing something he thinks she would really enjoy doing. She must go along with it and be supportive even if it’s not exactly what she would have chosen to do. Try to make it imaginative and different from the type of things you would normally do. Be creative.
2. On week two the girl is to do the same thing for the guy.
3. On week three there is to be no verbal communication for the entire week. NONE! You can see them but not talk. You have to communicate by other means; writing, drawings or pictures, a song by your favorite singer, writing a poem, etc. This is also the night you can hug and kiss for ten minutes…but YA CAN’T TALK!
4. On week four you have to plan (and cook?) a dinner for the two of you but you have to eat it somewhere you have never eaten before; in a tree house, on a bridge, on a hill top, in a row boat etc. Make sure you take a table cloth, utensils, glasses for the sparkling cider (?) etc. Be sure to take a picture of the time together.
5. On week five give a surprise gift to each other. You can’t spend more than $5 each and it needs to be something fun. Remember, they may keep this gift for a lifetime so think carefully what you want to give.
6. On week six you will write a love letter to the other person telling them how much they mean to you and what you appreciate about them. Be specific and give examples. Do not use the words “I love you” and do not talk about looks or sex. This is also the week you can hug and kiss for ten minutes.
7. On week seven you have dinner or double date with her parents, and you must spend the rest of the evening with them. You can watch TV, go for a walk, play a game, or sit and talk, but it’s to be spent with them. After you’ve done the dishes, then surprise them with a dessert. If her parents are not around then go to his parents or grandparents.
8. On week eight go do something for some one less fortunate than you. (Mow their lawn, make a dinner for them, offer to baby sit while they go out, go visit an elderly person, etc.) Be creative. You may even choose to do something but not tell them who did it.
9. On week nine, do a creative dress-up dinner date. If you can, have some of your friends/parents cook the dinner and wait on you but have them stay in the background. Dress up nicely and have good music on. During the week write a letter to each other saying how much this ten weeks has meant to you and give it to them at dinner. Have someone take a picture of you both and later hang it on your wall. You can kiss and hold hands and hug for ten minutes. Maybe even watch a romantic (but not sexual) movie.
10. On week ten set aside an evening (on one of the last two nights) for a night to talk. Set aside at least two hours. Try to find a place where you can be alone but still in a public place. This is a time to evaluate the ten weeks, your relationship, and where it will go from here. Before you get together, fill out the questions below by yourself and share them with each other, but only if you want to. And then, when finished, if you are willing, send them to me. I would love to hear how it all went. You do not have to sign them and they will be held in confidence. Send them to the address below.

You will also want to evaluate your relationship. Read through the 17 character traits in the chapter of my book called “Evaluating your relationship.” Think about each one and then share those thoughts with each other.